Post by Rob on Jun 19, 2017 12:58:42 GMT -6
This felt like the best place for this. I'll be sharing over on FB in a couple of places, but I wanted to put this out here.
I've decided to start a new series of thought/discussion-provocative posts. If you have something to add, chime in. Also, we're all aware that we have homosexual/bisexual members and readers, but this is not meant to exclude y'all. The wording will be from my, a heterosexual, perspective but that doesn't mean that gays/lesbians can't take some of the stuff I talk about to heart as advice.
Today's topic is: how to treat a woman on a date.
To me, it's all about presenting yourself as you are. The first date IS important, and you want to make a good impression, but toss the whole "show up in a suit and tie" routine out the window. Presumably, unless you're on a blind date, you know each other, perhaps at work. The objective is NOT...repeat that, NOT...to "hook up". If that's what you're after, look for some bimbo slut on the corner. If it's someone you work with, you already have a professional, respectful relationship to build from. Or, rather, you should. If she's worth getting to know better, it'll be a two-way street in the respect department. Show up ten minutes early. She probably will make you wait. Do so, patiently. It's a trick a lot of women pull. They do it to see just how patient you'll be with them in other situations. If she lets you wait inside, check out her living room. Look at her pictures, get a look at her history by doing so. Touch as little as possible (it's not your house, after all), but let your eyes inform your mind as much as can be determined. You might get a flash or two of insight into your potential mate.
So, assuming she's a work-mate, she's already seen your professional side. The goal is to show her your relaxed, fun-loving side. Show up wearing casual clothing. Nothing with holes, obviously...unless you plan on doing something that requires outside-work clothes or clothes you don't mind getting dirty. Paintball or riding horses might be seen as acceptable. But, that leads to another point: let her know your plans! You don't have to get specific, surprising her is always good. Just don't spring something like a paintball session on her without warning. Best thing would be to find common outside-of-work interests, suggest whichever one seems to be the most fun for you both.
Three words that will get you through the date, itself: respect, fun, communicate. We've already covered the first two, the third is, or should be, easy. Listen to what she has to say, give input where appropriate. Share similar stories, if you have any.
If the date involves going someplace that requires payment, a true Southern Gentleman ALWAYS pays. You NEVER offer to split. She might offer, however. If she does, there's a few ways to handle it. From my own experiences, I can say that it depends on how the date's going. If I like her, if we seem compatible, I will put up a protest far more than a "token" one. If she insists, I might offer a compromise, telling her that I'd pay for the first date, she can cover the second one (giving her the option to also plan out that second date as well). It also works as a subtle way to ask her for a second date, to see how SHE thinks things are going. If she demurs, then I know that things aren't going as well for her as she'd hoped. ABORT MISSION. If it seems she's not enjoying herself, cut it short, no matter how much fun you're having. Your own fun is only HALF the objective!
Once the date is cut short, find out what it is she had rather been doing. If it's something you might be into, suggest it as y'all's second date. Show her that you're willing to put her feelings and thoughts into your own plans, it indicates a willingness to actually BE partners.
Now, back to the paying thing. If I DON'T find that the date is going as well as I thought, I kinda figure that she's not having as much fun either. I'll put up a half-hearted protest (as I said earlier, a Gentleman pays, or at least offers to), but I'd give in a lot easier than the earlier example. She might be grateful to you for ending the miserable time she was having, especially if you let on that you weren't having as much fun either. Be clear, though, as to your reasons. If it was her, something she said or did, be honest. Be honest, but still keep her feelings in mind. You do, after all, have a professional/work, or some other type of, relationship to consider. If it WASN'T her, be absolutely clear on it. Don't leave any loose ends with your explanation that she could latch onto as an unwillingness to blame her for the bad time being had. It could just be that it wasn't as much fun as you thought it would be, especially if it's something you've never done before (which is actually a good first date, doing something together that neither has done before).
If that's the case, and the activity just wasn't interesting or fun enough, go about setting up a second date ASAP. Take the tone down a little, definitely go out to eat on the second (no matter what, unless the first date was eating). Better yet, if you're a domestic type, cook dinner for her. It'll show her that you're willing to do your share of the housework (cooking, cleaning, dishes, etc). Every move made during the "dating section" is under scrutiny, guys. Make sure that it's sincere, too. Don't fake it. If that's the image you're portraying, make sure that it's an image of the TRUTH.
Then, you have the girls that insist on paying because they've bought into modern feminism. Now, I won't turn this into a ranting against what I, personally, see as a mental illness at best, but it IS a deal-breaker for me. Again, be respectful, be honest. You may get some inklings as to her belief in third-wave long before time comes to pay, but it's also as likely that you'll get all the way to the payment-time before she lets it loose. If that's the case, I'd protest in a very unconvincing manner ONCE, then let her pay her share. Once it comes time to part ways, that's when you let her know that you don't think things will work out (that is unless you're a submissive and LIKE being run over by a woman, rather than being Dom and/or simply wanting an equal partner, in which case let her pay for it all and disregard the entire previous two paragraphs and this one) insofar as having a personal relationship goes.
And, of course, all the typical gentlemanly stereotypes apply: open doors, hold chairs, and (something I've found absolutely works) bring a single rose. Doesn't have to be real, bring one that's fake, she'll be able to treasure it longer that way. Make that a part of your everyday, though. Hold open doors for people, smile, greet even strangers as friends. If she knows you at all, she'll already have noticed that about you, so don't fake it just for the date. Let her see the real you from the get-go.
Oh, and realize also that she may be reserved in her own actions and feelings. She may be holding back until she sees how YOU are. If you're real and relaxed with her from word one, she'll drop that facade quick enough.
I've decided to start a new series of thought/discussion-provocative posts. If you have something to add, chime in. Also, we're all aware that we have homosexual/bisexual members and readers, but this is not meant to exclude y'all. The wording will be from my, a heterosexual, perspective but that doesn't mean that gays/lesbians can't take some of the stuff I talk about to heart as advice.
Today's topic is: how to treat a woman on a date.
To me, it's all about presenting yourself as you are. The first date IS important, and you want to make a good impression, but toss the whole "show up in a suit and tie" routine out the window. Presumably, unless you're on a blind date, you know each other, perhaps at work. The objective is NOT...repeat that, NOT...to "hook up". If that's what you're after, look for some bimbo slut on the corner. If it's someone you work with, you already have a professional, respectful relationship to build from. Or, rather, you should. If she's worth getting to know better, it'll be a two-way street in the respect department. Show up ten minutes early. She probably will make you wait. Do so, patiently. It's a trick a lot of women pull. They do it to see just how patient you'll be with them in other situations. If she lets you wait inside, check out her living room. Look at her pictures, get a look at her history by doing so. Touch as little as possible (it's not your house, after all), but let your eyes inform your mind as much as can be determined. You might get a flash or two of insight into your potential mate.
So, assuming she's a work-mate, she's already seen your professional side. The goal is to show her your relaxed, fun-loving side. Show up wearing casual clothing. Nothing with holes, obviously...unless you plan on doing something that requires outside-work clothes or clothes you don't mind getting dirty. Paintball or riding horses might be seen as acceptable. But, that leads to another point: let her know your plans! You don't have to get specific, surprising her is always good. Just don't spring something like a paintball session on her without warning. Best thing would be to find common outside-of-work interests, suggest whichever one seems to be the most fun for you both.
Three words that will get you through the date, itself: respect, fun, communicate. We've already covered the first two, the third is, or should be, easy. Listen to what she has to say, give input where appropriate. Share similar stories, if you have any.
If the date involves going someplace that requires payment, a true Southern Gentleman ALWAYS pays. You NEVER offer to split. She might offer, however. If she does, there's a few ways to handle it. From my own experiences, I can say that it depends on how the date's going. If I like her, if we seem compatible, I will put up a protest far more than a "token" one. If she insists, I might offer a compromise, telling her that I'd pay for the first date, she can cover the second one (giving her the option to also plan out that second date as well). It also works as a subtle way to ask her for a second date, to see how SHE thinks things are going. If she demurs, then I know that things aren't going as well for her as she'd hoped. ABORT MISSION. If it seems she's not enjoying herself, cut it short, no matter how much fun you're having. Your own fun is only HALF the objective!
Once the date is cut short, find out what it is she had rather been doing. If it's something you might be into, suggest it as y'all's second date. Show her that you're willing to put her feelings and thoughts into your own plans, it indicates a willingness to actually BE partners.
Now, back to the paying thing. If I DON'T find that the date is going as well as I thought, I kinda figure that she's not having as much fun either. I'll put up a half-hearted protest (as I said earlier, a Gentleman pays, or at least offers to), but I'd give in a lot easier than the earlier example. She might be grateful to you for ending the miserable time she was having, especially if you let on that you weren't having as much fun either. Be clear, though, as to your reasons. If it was her, something she said or did, be honest. Be honest, but still keep her feelings in mind. You do, after all, have a professional/work, or some other type of, relationship to consider. If it WASN'T her, be absolutely clear on it. Don't leave any loose ends with your explanation that she could latch onto as an unwillingness to blame her for the bad time being had. It could just be that it wasn't as much fun as you thought it would be, especially if it's something you've never done before (which is actually a good first date, doing something together that neither has done before).
If that's the case, and the activity just wasn't interesting or fun enough, go about setting up a second date ASAP. Take the tone down a little, definitely go out to eat on the second (no matter what, unless the first date was eating). Better yet, if you're a domestic type, cook dinner for her. It'll show her that you're willing to do your share of the housework (cooking, cleaning, dishes, etc). Every move made during the "dating section" is under scrutiny, guys. Make sure that it's sincere, too. Don't fake it. If that's the image you're portraying, make sure that it's an image of the TRUTH.
Then, you have the girls that insist on paying because they've bought into modern feminism. Now, I won't turn this into a ranting against what I, personally, see as a mental illness at best, but it IS a deal-breaker for me. Again, be respectful, be honest. You may get some inklings as to her belief in third-wave long before time comes to pay, but it's also as likely that you'll get all the way to the payment-time before she lets it loose. If that's the case, I'd protest in a very unconvincing manner ONCE, then let her pay her share. Once it comes time to part ways, that's when you let her know that you don't think things will work out (that is unless you're a submissive and LIKE being run over by a woman, rather than being Dom and/or simply wanting an equal partner, in which case let her pay for it all and disregard the entire previous two paragraphs and this one) insofar as having a personal relationship goes.
And, of course, all the typical gentlemanly stereotypes apply: open doors, hold chairs, and (something I've found absolutely works) bring a single rose. Doesn't have to be real, bring one that's fake, she'll be able to treasure it longer that way. Make that a part of your everyday, though. Hold open doors for people, smile, greet even strangers as friends. If she knows you at all, she'll already have noticed that about you, so don't fake it just for the date. Let her see the real you from the get-go.
Oh, and realize also that she may be reserved in her own actions and feelings. She may be holding back until she sees how YOU are. If you're real and relaxed with her from word one, she'll drop that facade quick enough.
